I'm the Pirate Pilot of this (Crazy) Ship

My my stupid, ugly, asshead wisdom tooth battle wounds started aching last night on the right side. I looked at my "What to do if..." sheet from the oral surgeon and realized that this should not be happening, especially since I've been pain free for a couple of days. I popped a super duper strength ibuprofen and tried to go to sleep as visions of my face falling off danced through my head.

I woke up this morning feeling about the same as I did last night and was actually quite pleased. I had sort of self diagnosed my condition before drifting off to sleep, which included phrases like "pain so excruciating you'll think that you're dying." Thanks internet, that will teach me for straying from the Mayo Clinic website. I called the oral surgeon this morning and scheduled a visit at the butt crack of dawn tomorrow. If it's what I think it is, he'll be able to help and I'll have immediate relief, but a longer healing process. I'm not going to mention my self diagnosis, because then you'll Google it and hate me for what you find. Boo!! I hate you wisdom teeth!

Can you tell that I'm holding off on solid foods again due to the pain? Cranky Brasilliant is back with a vengeance. I've consumed approximately three giant tubs of yogurt over the course of the week and swallowed whole a number of foods that probably are a choking hazard -- eggs, ravioli, frozen blueberries, and not-so-tiny pieces of chicken. Since I didn't feel like I was dying, just starving, I decided that I needed to take care of a few errands in preparation for our trip to Los Angeles. Given my lack of nutrition, my brain was not firing all circuits. I stopped by Kohls as a last ditch effort to try and find a black cardigan to go with the dress I made last weekend. If you've ever been to Kohls, you know that they are usually located in a strip mall. I spent quite a lot of time in the store, checking out underwear, sheets, and other things that had nothing to do with the mission at hand. I paid for my merchandise and decided to head home.

I walked to my parking spot, which was empty. I shrugged it off, thinking that maybe I just misjudged the row. I walked up and down the rows of parking spots and my car was nowhere in sight. There weren't that many, so it's not like it was tucked behind an SUV. Immediately, I started looking around, thinking that maybe I hadn't put on the parking brake and it rolled somewhere (stupid, I know). I tried to retrace my steps and realized that someone had stolen the car. I went to the bench out in front of the department store and sobbed for a good five minutes. Once I was over my self pity, I called Jesse, but he didn't answer. I didn't want to call 911 because it really wasn't an emergency, so I walked back into the store toward customer service to get the number for the local police department.

While walking through the store, I got really angry because I was going to have to take a taxi home and probably again in the morning to the oral surgeon's office at 6am. As I was fighting back tears again, this time from frustration, I saw natural light shining into the side of the store. What? A second entrance? That never happens at strip malls -- except on days when I'm emotionally unbalanced and clearly not thinking. In the end, I found my car. Just where I had parked it. I also found a rainbow, which was lovely, but seemed to be mocking me. I know, I'm nuts. I also can't wait for this week to finally end!




Cypress Hill's "Insane in the Membrane"