Things I Will (and Will Not) Miss in D.C. #8: Washington "Celebrities"

This morning on my way to work, I saw Donald Rumsfeld. Just as I was about to round the corner onto Q Street, blowing past an annoying couple who totally blocked the sidewalk, I did a double take. And then, turned around and gawked like a damn tourist. There he was. Just standing on the corner, minding his own business. He's a lot shorter than I imagined and looks really really old.

Fact: When confirmed in 2001, Rummie became the youngest AND oldest Secretary of Defense (serving first under Gerald Ford and then under Dubya). I learned this tidbit from our epic night of Trivial Pursuit. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised at my celebrity sighting. This morning's commute was part of the life of a Washingtonian. In my time here I have seen:

Dick Cheney. The Veep usually gets off of work between 5:00-5:15, which means his motorcade passes along Connecticut Avenue just about the same time I walk home from work at 5:30. Yes, he wears that snarl on the way home. I've checked. If you stand right on the edge of the sidewalk and peer into the limousine, you can see him all hunched over in the back seat.

Bob Dole. I saw him one Saturday or Sunday Morning south of Dupont Circle. It was a nice quiet weekend morning and my friend Lauren and I had just finished a delicious brunch with her mom at Luna Cafe. Since there weren't very many cars, it wasn't hard to spot him. He was holding a pen and signaling for his ride.

George Stephanopoulos (had to google that one for spelling). It seems like every guy and his brother has seen him walking around. I think he lives in Georgetown. One evening after work I was walking to M Street for a little retail therapy and he passed right by me on the sidewalk. He is also very short. Probably shorter than me. I was shocked.

James Carville. Before CNN Crossfire was mercifully put to sleep, the studio was in one of George Washington University's campus buildings. That building happened to be just down the street from one of my favorite lunch spots, The Burro. I would frequently see him strolling back to work after a scarfing a giant burrito. Interestingly enough, when I first met our friend Kurtis (who now prefers to be called "War Machine"), he said that I had James Carville eyes. Huh? He then went as far to say that ALL southerners carried this trait, using our friend Stephanie as an example (she's from Arkansas). In a matter of seconds our high cheek bones, which I had considered to be an asset, turned us into Gollum. I later learned that I should only take Kurtis seriously about 25% of the time. Also, his hair-brained theories regarding southern eyes, or abolishing daylight savings time all seem endearing now, rather than totally bizarre and offensive.

Tucker Carlson. He too was seen on campus from time to time, but (thankfully) not as frequently as Mr. Carville. Don't let the bow tie fool you. Evil twits don't eat burritos for lunch, they eat your soul. Try not look into his beady little eyes. The one time I tried to make eye contact, he was too infatuated with his own reflection in the campus building window. I stuck out my tongue at him, but he didn't see. Ah, my reckless youth. I'm much more mature than that now.

Matthew Lesko. He's more of a late-night infomercial celebrity (if that's possible). If you've ever switched on the television after midnight, there's a pretty good chance you've seen him shouting at you from the streets of D.C. about federal grant money that's yours for the taking. I'm almost 100% sure he lives in our neighborhood, and quite possibly in the building across the street. We often see his yellow question mark Mini Cooper and his orange question mark Scion parked on the streets. He also has a pinkish/purple question mark Vespa scooter.

I'm sure there's a whole mess of senators and representatives that pass me on the street everyday, but even after five and a half years in D.C. I'm still not very good at putting faces to names. I seriously doubt that I'll have as many celebrity sightings in Portland, which maybe isn't such a bad thing. Being that they're only Washington-caliber celebrities, they don't carry the weight as say, Brangelina or Spederline. But I'll take what I can get.